Her lips are like poison, and I am utterly addicted. Each touch sends my heart racing like thunder in my ears. I dream of her, envisioning the woman I yearn to embody. My passion fuels the flames of longing in my lovers. Love is the playground of foolish hearts, those desperate enough to risk the agony of heartbreak. I’ve danced that dangerous dance, and it has left me scarred and shattered. Yet, the thought of being single excites me; to dance, to live wildly and free, unbound by society’s constraints. I crave joy and adventure. I yearn to connect with men. I wish to delve into my witchcraft. I want to embrace a life brimming with enchantment.
I envision myself traversing Bourbon Street, engaged in flirtation and revelry throughout the night. Then, I find myself returning home with an unfamiliar man for a nightcap. My past was one of sheltered existence, constrained by rules designed to instill fear and inhibit my freedom. These restrictions ultimately hindered my ability to experience joy fully.
In my current circumstances, I find myself living with and married to my former roommate. This union has become one of convenience, devoid of the passion that once characterized our relationship in our youth. I now recognize the many red flags I earlier overlooked, largely due to my own insecurities and naivety.
At one point, I did have feelings for him. I affirm that I have no intentions of initiating a new relationship. I am presently in one. My worth and value extend beyond mere physical attributes. Each day, I am becoming more vocal, expressing my thoughts rather than remaining silent. I do not regard these victories as insignificant; rather, they represent significant milestones in my journey. I am progressing towards the woman I aspire to be. I advocate for shadow work, recognizing that individual experiences differ widely. Engaging in this work is a personal choice. It is not a one-size-fits-all approach. We are complex humans shaped by emotions, feelings, and traumatic life experiences that influence our daily lives.
I have never truly lived independently; I experienced a glimpse of it for three months. Although I managed to survive, I recognized my ability to thrive in such circumstances. My early life involved constant transitions. I moved from my grandparents’ home to living with neighbors. Then, I transitioned to a roommate. He eventually became my boyfriend and husband. Now, we are merely roommates.
The prospect of leaving my roommate fills me with anxiety. This is primarily due to financial concerns. There are also uncertainties about my belongings and future living situation. The thought of uprooting my entire life to a new town where I am unknown is daunting. At this moment, my focus must be on addressing the issues at hand. This includes articulating my thoughts. I must not stay silent and then lament over them. I should avoid fixating on them like a bulldog with a bone. Failing to confront these challenges will only exacerbate my situation and carry over into the next chapter of my life. I can’t allow that to happen. So far, I have noticed a gradual resolution of these issues. I consider this a positive development.
I absolutely love the concept of The Bee Real being the quintessential haven for my thoughts to flow freely. Whether they’re bright beams of inspiration, I pour out my stories here. If they’re shadows of doubt, I let my mind roam wild. Let’s be real. This is a space dedicated to showcasing my innermost reflections and heartfelt brain dumps. The traumas feel more genuine in the realm of analog journaling than in the digital landscape. My front and backyard are undergoing a beautiful transformation, and it fills me with joy! I can’t help but wonder where this wave of thoughts will carry me in this particular post. I know I’ll make my way to New Orleans when the stars perfectly align. Believe me, that place will always be there. It will patiently wait for my arrival.
Enjoy my Vision Board, which will evolve and improve over time. I will undoubtedly create one. It will show the woman I aspire to be. It will showcase the styles I embody as I transform. Let’s call them fashion ideas that resonate with who I envision her to be.
Vision Board –
New Orleans!
Okay, a lightbulb just flickered on in my head. What if I create a page all about vision boards? I will include an avalanche of wacky ideas for book cover art. These would be themed and everything! Wow, hold the phone and hit the brakes, girlfriend! You’ve got a brilliant idea cooking, but let’s be real—are we actually going to follow through with those vision boards? And if we do, will we keep up with them? Or will they end up gathering dust like that gym membership? Probably the latter. I mean, we barely finished one vision board, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves, right?
Good thing I hit the brakes on my mental rollercoaster just then. Otherwise, I’d be zooming off the track. I’d crash into the walls of overstimulation! It’s like my brain decided to throw a spontaneous party. Now, I’m trying to figure out why I tend to RSVP to chaos. It’s totally normal for ideas to burst into your brain like confetti, but running with them? That’s just asking for a one-way ticket to Loss of Focus Ville! Don’t worry, though; I’m not a doctor or anything—just a self-appointed tour guide through my own mental maze. If you find yourself nodding along, take action. Chat with a primary care physician. Or, reach out to a cognitive-behavioral guru. Trust me, it’s better than my unlicensed advice!
For those who joyfully embrace the Witches Wheel of the Year, Imbolc is nearing. It is just three days away. The celebration lasts for two enchanting days! I am passionately lighting fragrant candles. I throw wide my windows to invite a refreshing breeze to dance through my home. Among the flickering flames, I have selected two beautiful red taper candles. They are symbols of the vibrant spring that is about to awaken. Yet you choose to celebrate, let it be uniquely yours! Stay tuned for a dedicated page on The Witches Wheel of the Year. This marks my first year honoring all eight sabbaths. Join me for a glimpse into my heartfelt celebration!
Leave a Reply